Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him