why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
