I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
