things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century