I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
