The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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