this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
