i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
