She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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