shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
