Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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