At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
