He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
