I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
