No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
only you would photoshop your dick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
