u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
