How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
