They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize