TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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