A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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