I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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