i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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