he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I looked at my own cervix.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
