Apparently you make a good broom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
