Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
