"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just pee around me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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