apparently the secret to your success is patron
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
