uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
