yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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