There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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