sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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