I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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