First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
