I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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