dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
