yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
