I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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