God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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