hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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