there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
