she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
