why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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