we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
