at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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