she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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