I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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