i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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