I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
