Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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