i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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