I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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