After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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