also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
