Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
