Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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