Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
