true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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