I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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