Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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