I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
