I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
