you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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